To some it up in one word, I'm feeling extremely stubborn right now. Don't want to eat food, don't want to write, don't want to give up hope on the one boy I have fallen so completely and madly for.

I'm tired of not believing in myself, feeling insecure and alone. I'm anxious and just plain terrified. This house has my stomach tied up in knots. And Christian has my heart bleeding and jumping for joy simultaneously. Even as I type this, I am terrified to write those words that I truly feel. As if not writing them would make them somehow less real. 

 I've been running lately. Keeping myself so busy that I cant see straight.

See I couldn't even finish this blog without surfing the web...Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow.